Monday, February 16, 2009

F-holes, part two

As is often the case, Relax Max tends to lose interest between posts.  The parts of the violin are no exception. I was going to rant on about my foray into the jungle of 7th grade orchestra, but now feel those memories are best left buried and undisturbed. If I get enough requests (over 100) I will revisit those years.

I did promise you to recite the parts of the violin (there are 19 as I recall, if you count the cat gut) but let me just hurriedly give you the list from memory rather than going back and verifying them, if you don't mind. There are also 7 parts to the bow, but, really, let's be honest here, who really cares, right? (Except for the "frog." That's a pretty cool part.)

To the best of my memory, off the top of my head, the 19 parts of the violin are as follows.

1. Reed
2. Mouthpiece
3. Hammer
4. Valves
5. Bell
6. Syringe
7. Amplifier
8. embouchure thing
9. Brake lining
10. Flippers
11. Siren
12. Silencer
13. Sustain pedal
14. Rollers
15. Bellows
16. Smoke alarm
17. Temperature knob
18. Anvil and stirrup
19. Drone pipes

Many of these parts are interior I think.

Note: reading below this point is entirely optional and frankly discouraged.

Bonus: What is the correct action to take if you suddenly come across someone playing a Didgeridoo? Answer tomorrow. (Obviously SOME action is required.)

No, a Didgeridoo is not a funeral song.

SPOKEN: There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying. He gets himself up onto one elbow and 'e turns to his mates, who are all gathered around and 'e says:

Watch me wallabies feet, mate
Watch me wallabies feet,
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feet
Altogether now!

Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool
Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl
Just keep me cockatoo cool
Altogether now!


'n' take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac
So take me koala back
Altogether now!


Let me abos go loose, Lew
Let me abos go loose
They're of no further use, Lew
So let me abos go loose
Altogether now!


And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Ah, don't let 'im go running amok, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck
Altogether now!


Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot thru, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Altogether now!


Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed!!
Altogether now!


Somebody needs to remember this stuff! Sing it! Never forget it. 1963. Rolf Harris. CLICK HERE RELIVE THE EXPERIENCE! 

Judge not, that ye not be judged. Especially do not judge the merits of Max's blog posts.


Angelika said...

I never knew that the violin was a woodwind instrument.

My nephews play the violin.

Janet said...

Our niece has a didgeridoo. I think she plays it pretty well, but then I have no basis of comparison. I remember hearing that song before, though. At least the "tie the kangaroo down, sport" part.
I was intrigued about taking up the violin in my old age, but if they're going to make me memorize all those parts I'm doomed.

Stephanie Barr said...

I have never learned the entire set of lyrics to that song. I feel so edified, like when I learned the inane meaning of the song "Allouetta."

Sheila said...

Tha greater mutant bag organ crossed with the lesser stringed wind amalgam has been known to produce the violins you describe. I hesitate to describe them as freaks, that wouldn't be fair.

soubriquet said...

Feet, mate, wallaby's feet mate... They're a dangerous breed, mate, and they can um... disembowel you with their feet.

At the time when the song was penned it was just a humorous ditty, Now Rolf can't sing it in the original form, because of the references to "abos". Mostly it's not aborigines who complain, but.........

Catherine @ Sharp Words said...

I know an awfully crude version of the Tie Me Kangaroo Down song (and have the original on MP3, so no need to click that link).
Maybe I'll recite some lyrics. Under duress.

ettarose said...

Max, if you play the violin as good as your memory of the parts then I am not listening,as far as the song goes, I have downloaded it and can sing along fairly well. But I like weird things like that and oh yeah, you

Canucklehead said...

Not visiting! You're joking right? I'm here every day - I just was not commenting in protest of your false advertising. I mean, when I see a post is about 'F holes' I expect it to be WAY dirtier ... CHEERS!

Sue said...

I know so little of the violin that I'm just going to be totally impressed by your knowledge of the 19 parts.

Sue said...

Wow! My comment showed up right away without having to type in a cryptic code. You live life on the edge.

Ken Armstrong said...

I got my wobble-board out. (list of parts as follows: wobble board).

Try swapping Rolf's lyrics with 'Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best (f*** a Wallaby) and then write verse that are appropriate, it's fun! :)

(don't forget Rosin for the bow)

Relax Max said...

@Angelika - You may be right. I've always wondered what the bow is for.:) My condolences to your nephews. My inspirations were Jack Benny and Henny Youngman. I never achieved their greatness.

Actually, there is a 20th part on my personal violin - a $5 bill inside it that was supposed to be for my lunch money. You can't get it out without fucking up the F-holes.

@Janet - I'm sure your niece plays it as well as it can be played. Annoying like bag pipes, but without the distracting finger holes. :)

Nothing wrong with taking up the violin in your old age whenever that finally happens. Just don't try to play it.

@Stephanie Barr -I remember Allouette. No wonder I am adverse to things French. "Alloo etta, gentle alloo etta, alloo etta, gentle plume of ray. Gentle plume of ray la tette. Gentle plume of ray..." Ah well, I probably got the spelling a bit wrong. Thanks for the memory. Sheesh. :)

Here's one for you, from the 1940s (I think):

"Mairzy doats and doe zee doats, and littlelam zeedivy. A kiddelee divytoo, wouldn't you?"

My friend A. will give the translation to this below. Going to stop now.

"Viva la viva la viva l'amor, viva la viva la viva l'amor, viva l'amor, viva l'amor, viva la comanyeeeee." Or however they spell it.

@Sheila - you are charmingly confusing as usual. Please help my friend A. translate the Mairzy Doats if you don't mind. :)

By the way, speaking of "Tie me Kangaroo Down, Sport" (you remember - my post you were supposed to be commenting on.) "Sheila" was the last word the old stockman cried out as he expired. Not in the lyrics, but so true.

@Soubriquet - Well, I've changed them to what you said, and it makes sense, but if you listen to the song it sounds more like feed the way Rolf sings it. I know better than to argue with you, though. I didn't know what Abos were. Well, serves them right for playing didgeredoos, eh?

@Catherine - You always tease but never produce. I've given up on you. I don't think you need duress - a bit of Rosie's cider will do the trick. :) I wish you would though. You can comment anonymously if you want, if you haven't the guts. If an anonymous comment shows up with dirty lyrics, we would NEVER put two and two together. :)

@Ettarose - Please don't sing along. Or I will get out the violin and punish you right back. :)

@Canucklehead - if you are here everyday you sure don't leave any tracks. Bite me, llama lover.

@Sue - You SHOULD be impressed. My varied knowledge is nothing short of amazing. And I am glad you decided to go slumming today. :)

I used to have comment moderation when I started on my other blog. That didn't last long. Several of the proper British gentleladies began calling me coward and wus and, well, tosser. So I got brave. And nothing happened. An odd off-topic comment from a stranger now and then, but nothing to get your knickers in a knot over. Whatever that means. (I have been around the British too long.)

Oh, Sue, just DO it! Don't live in fear. Liberate yourself. Strike out into the wild unknown. Ettarose will give you $100 for every spam comment you get. $200 if it's porn.

@Ken Armstrong - I'm impressed. I'm working on it. Good idea. See Sue? - if I had moderated my comments, you would never have heard about fucking beastiality. One more reason. :)

Janet said...

Point well taken.

Mama sang "Mairzy dotes" to us when we were little. I know what it means. God help me, I actually have sheet music to the silly thing.

Stephanie said...

Like I didn't know "Mares eat oats, and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy, too, wouldn't you, a kid'll eat ivy, too."

Good thing I'm not French. Watching you butcher Allouetta (which I also probably misspelled) could cause them to bring back the guillotine.

Ken Armstrong said...

Okay, as discussed over at my place in the quasi-religious post...

You really probably should cut this next bit out..

(You have to fill in the anatomical part and the animal (there are quite a few))

Put your ___ in a ___ boys
Put your ___ in a ___
Put your ___ in a ___ boys
Put your ___ in a ___


Cos Bestiality's best boys
Bestiality's best
(F**k a Wallaby)
Bestiality's best boys
Bestiality's best


... and on, ad nauseum.

Relax Max said...

@Janet - They used to shill Mairzy Doats sheet music in the weekend Parade newspaper magazine forever. Somebody must have been buying it. Now I know who. :)

Relax Max said...

@Stephanie - Thank you for saving me the trouble of translating it. :)

Yes - good thing you are not French. ::shivers at the thought of being French::

Nothing against the French, you understand. Ack Ack.

Relax Max said...

@KenArmstrongWritesStuffButHasAPottyMouth-EvenForAnIrishman - Jesus, Ken. Just because I don't moderate my comments doesn't mean you can come around here talking about how you fuck animals! I run a classy blog for chrissakes! Don't you realize there are actual British society ladies who come by here and read this shit? And think of Ettarose - how her ears must be burning!

Yeah, I tried it. Ducks rhyme pretty good. Elephants, not so much. Thanks for explaining it to me. Catherine, as usual, was a coward. Take care. :)

Blog Widget by LinkWithin