Saturday, April 4, 2009

Rantings brought on by newspaper articles in my local small town paper today but which are hardly limited to small town newspapers


NO BOND FOR AX KILLING SUSPECT

1. Please. He didn't kill an ax. Thank you.

2. People are not let out of jail on bond. They are let out of jail on BAIL. They may sometimes secure their bail with a BOND. Get it? He is not out on bond, nor was he refused bond. He was refused BAIL. Thank you.

3. While I am on the subject, the judge didn't ask him if he were guilty or innocent. He asked him if he were guilty or NOT guilty. And if the jury lets him off down the road, they will not be finding him INNOCENT. Get it? He will be found NOT GUILTY. Thank you.

4. ALSO while I am at it: he will not "bust" out of jail, nor was the police car's window "busted out." I don't even want to hear you say he was "busted" for the crime. Just get rid of "busted" from your vocabulary altogether. Or I will bust you in the mouth. You will go further as a crime reporter if you lose that word.

5. Finally, model prisoners are not called "trustees" just because they are trusted. I don't care what the sign on the Sheriff's Office wall says. Trustees are fiduciary people. Banks, for example. Not that you know what that word means either. Prisoners who work outside with little supervision are called TRUSTYS. Please write that down and also tell the Sheriff how to spell it.

I'm outta here.

Unless I turn to page 2.


11 comments:

Angelika said...

*giggle*

I did not know that about Trustys, though.

Relax Max said...

@Angelika - Well, sometimes I just GET SO MAD I COULD BUST THAT PAPER UP!!!

@Soubriquet - Yes, I got too excited and let that one slip. And thank you for not pointing out my "...jury let's him off.." mistake as well. This after all my ranting about apostrophes lately! (I changed that one in the post as soon as I saw it.)

And they constantly refer to him as the "alleged" perp. Even if he did the crime on camera. God forbid we don't bend over backward and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Thank you for your support. We both agree that if you write for a living (and if you also work for an editor) you should be able to do a little better.

Relax Max said...

NOTE: In playing around with the comments, I accidentally deleted a good comment by my friend Sobriquet in which he agreed that newspaper and tv reporting is often frustrating to read. He also lamented that, even if the person were caught red-handed in the act, the press always refer to him as the "suspected" killer, or the "accused killer", even though to do otherwise might possibly prejudice the jury. Sorry Sobriequet, for my clumsiness in hitting the trash can button at the wrong time. My explanation hardly did your real comment justice. Har - "justice". Get it?

Here I resist the temptation to not tell you the rest of what Soubriquet said: that the spelling of the plural of "trusty" is "trusties". God, I feel so virtuous for admitting that. Character is what you do when no one is watching you. Heh. Max is a character and maybe even HAS some. :)

Stephanie B said...

Let me guess, were you a reporter?

The standards do seem to be missing.

Relax Max said...

A reporter? No. heh. Not a Disc Jokey either. But pretty uneducated. I could do either if I set my mind to it. Meanwhile I just plug along as my profile says. Too lazy to branch out. :) Thank you for your comments, and your good nature, Stephanie.

A. said...

So all this was on page 1 of your local newspaper? A man wielding an axe, another needing bail to get out of jail, someone up in front of the judge, yet another trying to escape from jail, and finally a prisoner, albeit trusted. I know you will be devastated to hear this Max, but forgive me if I don't come to visit your town any day soon. Do we get the flower shows and pretty baby competitions on page 2?

Relax Max said...

@Stephanie - Or a disk "jockey" either. :)

@A. - Yes, all on page one. And just a sidebar story to boot; not even the main headline. What are you trying to say? Shall I critique the story that talks about how the federal government is not going to send our little community its fair share of "stimulus" dollars to waste? That would be boring. Yet, sadly, that was the main large headline story that dwarfed the common ax murderer. The bitching about not getting enough Obama Bucks was just not that interesting to me to critique. Mainly because I would have to read it in order to do so, and I am unwilling to do that. :) Settle down young lady.

You don't want to know what was on page 2 today. Trust me. :)

ettarose said...

I don't read newspapers. Only if one the kids are in it. Our paper is about 6 pages long and I really don't care about the local Rotary club. What is that? People who still use phones that have finger holes?

A. said...

They're the people who camp out in the middle of roundabouts.

Relax Max said...

@Ettarose - I know you don't read. Newspapers. And I REALLY hope you don't find any of the kids in the newspaper - they cold smother, you know. Just so you know, a Rotary club is used to smash (or bust) telephones that have finger holes. Or people with noses that have finger holes. :) But never bowling balls that have finger holes. Can't really bash a bowling ball properly anyhow.

@A. - Yes, I forgot about those rascals. I would bust them too. :)

Janet said...

On page 1 of our twice-weekly 8 page paper was the following 36-point headline:
"Mayor Recognizes Congressman's Generous Jester."
That was the day I stopped reading it.
Regarding the stimulus money: that same mayor turned down $1,000,000 because he didn't want to have to pay back the required $300,000. I repeat. Turned down $700,000 of free money. Half the families in this town do not have potable water in their homes.

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